Friday, September 7, 2007

The Trouble I Had With Sex

People who have dogs usually call them “Rover” or “Spots”. We’ll that’s with normal dogs and since my dog is different, I gave him a different name. I call him “Sex”. Well Sex turned out to be a very embarrassing name. One day, while taking Sex for a walk, he ran away from me. I spent hours and hours looking for him. A policeman came along and asked me what I had been doing in an alley at 2AM and I said, “I’m looking for Sex”. My case came up next week, charged with indecent solicitations.

One day I went to the town hall to get a license for Sex. The clerk asked me what I wanted and I told her I wanted a license for Sex. She said she would want one tool. When I said, “This is a dog” she said she didn’t care what it looked like. Then I said, “You don’t understand, I’ve had Sex since I was five years old.” Whereupon she said, “Holy Molly, you must be very strong!”

When I decided to get married (to the town hall clerk) I told the minister I wanted to have Sex at the wedding, but he told me to try and wait after the ceremony. I said “But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole life revolves around Sex”. He said he did not want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church. I told him everyone coming to the wedding including her would enjoy having Sex there. We got thrown out of the church. We were married the next day to a Justice of Peace. My family is banned from the church.

My wife and I took the dog with us in the honeymoon and when I checked into the hotel, I told the manager I wanted a room for myself and my wife and a special room for Sex. He told me every room in the hotel is for sex. Then I said, “You don’t understand, Sex keeps me awake at night”. He said, “I know, it keeps me awake too”.

When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for the custody of the dog. I said “Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married”, the Judge said, “Me too!” Well now I’ve been thrown in jail, banned from my church, been married, divorced and had more jam trouble with that dog that I had ever gambled for.

Just the other day when I went for my first session with the psychiatrist, he asked me, “What seems to be the trouble?” I replied, “Well, Sex had died and left my life. It’s like losing a best friend and it’s lonely.” The doctor looked at me and said, “Mister, you and I both know that sex isn’t man’s best friend, so get your self a dog.”

No comments: