Monday, April 28, 2008

Engineer says

Engineer says: A number of different approaches are being tried.
Engineer means: We are still grasping at straws.

Engineer says: We're working on a fresh approach to the problem.
Engineer means: We just hired three kids fresh out of university.

Engineer says: Close project co-ordination.
Engineer means: We know who to blame.

Engineer says: Major technological breakthrough.
Engineer means: It works OK, but looks very hi-tech.

Engineer says: Customer satisfaction upon delivery is assured.
Engineer means: We are so far behind schedule that the customer is happy to get it delivered.

Engineer says: Preliminary operational tests were inconclusive.
Engineer means: The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch.

Engineer says: Test results were extremely gratifying.
Engineer means: We are so surprised that the stupid thing works.

Engineer says: The entire concept will have to be abandoned.
Engineer means: The only person who understood the thing quit.

Engineer says: It is in process.
Engineer means: It is so wrapped up in red tape that the situation is hopeless.

Engineer says: We'll look into it.
Engineer means: Forget it! We have enough problems for now.

Engineer says: Please read and initial.
Engineer means: Let's spread the responsibility for the mistake.

Engineer says: Give us the benefit of your thoughts.
Engineer means: We'll listen to what you say as long as it doesn't interfere with what we've already done.

Engineer says: Give us your interpretation.
Engineer means: I can't wait to hear this!

Engineer says: See me/Let's Discuss.
Engineer means: Come into my office, I'm lonely.

Engineer says: All new!
Engineer means: Parts not interchangeable with the previous design.

Engineer says: Rugged.
Engineer means: Too heavy to lift!

Engineer says: Lightweight.
Engineer means: Lighter than rugged.

Engineer says: Years of development.
Engineer means: One finally worked.

Engineer says: Energy saving.
Engineer means: Achieved when the power switch is off.

Engineer says: Low maintenance.
Engineer means: Impossible to fix if broken.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

News of the Day

Growing meat without growing animals?

What do you think?

The Engineer and the Manager

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man below says: "Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees N. latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees W. longitude."

"You must be an engineer," says the balloonist.

"I am," replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost.

"The man below says, "You must be a manager."

"I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you are going. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in the exact same position you were in before we met, but now it is somehow my fault."

Rich Beggar