DEAR DIARY ... DAY ONE
I am all packed and ready to get on the cruise ship. I've packed all my
pretty dresses and make-up. I'm really excited.
DEAR DIARY ... DAY TWO
We spent the entire day at sea. It was beautiful and we saw some whales
and dolphins. What a wonderful vacation this has started to be. I met the
Captain today and he seems like a very nice man.
DEAR DIARY ... DAY THREE
I spent some time in the pool today. I also did some shuffle boarding and
hit some golf balls off the deck. The Captain invited me to join him at
his table for dinner. I felt honored and we had a wonderful time. He is a
very attractive and attentive gentleman.
DEAR DIARY ... DAY FOUR
Went to the ship's casino .. did OK ... won about $80. The Captain invited
me to have dinner with him in his state room. We had a luxurious meal
complete with caviar and champagne. He asked me to stay the night but I
declined. I told him there was no way
I could be unfaithful to my husband.
DEAR DIARY .... DAY FIVE
Went back to the pool today and got a little sunburned. I decided to go to
the piano bar and spend the rest of the day inside. The Captain saw me and
bought me a couple of drinks. He really is a charming gentleman. He again
asked me to visit him for the
night and again I declined. He told me that if I didn't let him have his
way with me he would sink the ship. I was appalled.
DEAR DIARY ... DAY SIX
I saved 1600 lives today... Twice.
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Monday, December 17, 2007
Geography
GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN:
Between 18 and 20 a woman is like Africa, half discovered, half wild, naturally beautiful with fertile deltas.
Between 21 and 30 a woman is like America , well-developed and open to trade especially for someone with cash.
Between 31 and 35 she is like India , very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.
Between 36 and 40 a woman is like France - Gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.
Between 41 and 50 she is like Yugoslavia , lost the war - haunted by past mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now necessary.
Between 51 and 60, she is like Russia , very wide and borders are un-patrolled. The frigid climate keeps people away.
Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Mongolia , with a glorious and all conquering past but alas, no future.
After 70, they become Afghanistan . Almost everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.
THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN:
Between 15 and 70 a man is like Iran - ruled by a dick.
Between 18 and 20 a woman is like Africa, half discovered, half wild, naturally beautiful with fertile deltas.
Between 21 and 30 a woman is like America , well-developed and open to trade especially for someone with cash.
Between 31 and 35 she is like India , very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.
Between 36 and 40 a woman is like France - Gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.
Between 41 and 50 she is like Yugoslavia , lost the war - haunted by past mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now necessary.
Between 51 and 60, she is like Russia , very wide and borders are un-patrolled. The frigid climate keeps people away.
Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Mongolia , with a glorious and all conquering past but alas, no future.
After 70, they become Afghanistan . Almost everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.
THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN:
Between 15 and 70 a man is like Iran - ruled by a dick.
Friday, December 7, 2007
An Unusual Complication
A patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask
over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult, four-
hour surgical procedure.
A student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse," he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir, I'm only
here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his
testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back
the covers. She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his
testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around. Then, she
takes a close look and says "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir."
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very
slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very,
very closely...
Are - my - test - results - back?"
over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult, four-
hour surgical procedure.
A student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse," he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir, I'm only
here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his
testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back
the covers. She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his
testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around. Then, she
takes a close look and says "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir."
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very
slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very,
very closely...
Are - my - test - results - back?"
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Sunday, December 2, 2007
Saturday, December 1, 2007
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